29 Comments
User's avatar
Jason Swihart's avatar

Thanks for the shout-out Matt Welch. We still have not gained access to our property and continue to twiddle our thumbs in Monrovia

I did have one follow-up question:

WHERE WAS YOUR FIREHOSE 11 DAYS AGO?!

Matt Welch's avatar

TOO SOON. Oh wait.

Jake O'Finkelstein's avatar

The preemptive pardon thing for Fauci and his own family sealed the deal for me with Biden. Fuck JRB in the face with the MEANEST penis in the galaxy.

kkmoresi's avatar

Hope you're feeling better Matt! Palm trees in your view seem like a good sign. Last night during the football game I said to my husband "Hey, Biden never *pardoned* Fauci and Liz Cheney etc., unless he's planning to announce it early tomorrow morning?" It did not take a rocket scientist like Jason's wife to see that coming

Jessemy's avatar

You might be retching but your facial hair is on point, Matt.

Tysen's avatar

Came to the comments specifically to point out Matt's beard looks amazing.

John Gaffney's avatar

It was a truly magical evening for us

Ameya A's avatar

I knew I hated Vivek Murthy when he was part of a panel of Indian American celebrities in that shitty movie about Apu from the Simpsons. These wealthy, successful people sat around whining about how kids were mean to them in school, unlike everyone else in America who apparently was never teased about anything.

MeghanMC's avatar

My favorite part of that movie was how the documentarian’s parents were like - “what’s your problem dude? Chill tf out.”

Ameya A's avatar

Hah. I don't remember that. I didn't finish the documentary so maybe I didn't get that far.

MeghanMC's avatar

Yeah his parents iirc were like “we think Apu is funny and great what are you on about?”

Rationalista's avatar

Old rice is no joke. My wife got food poisoning like crazy from some week old brown rice a couple of years back. Feel better champ!

MD from NJ's avatar

I need Kmele’s thoughts on Melania’s outfit today and I need them now.

Gabrielle G's avatar

Lisa, John, and Chayaleah 🥹🥹🥹

Mr. Yale's avatar

>> Donald J. Trump (pictured, right)

Very good!

Not Sam Harris's avatar

I can’t believe Jill Biden is the one who is going down for the whole crime family

Renton Hawkey (*rent)'s avatar

He really jerked both dicks to a song about gay sex.

At least this is a funny timeline!

Jaye BM's avatar

Fifdom Above All 💗🙏

Hitchslap's avatar

That Italian is about as native American as Chief Jay Strongbow was.

Pete Damon's avatar

You mean Trump’s not the guy with the Indian headdress on ?

GenKaos's avatar

Chappelle is the MF GOAT..