Regarding all the euros discovering how awesome America is. The first week of June we hosted a British university student who was in town as a camp counselor at my kids soccer camp. He was Amazed by everything here. The highway on his drive from Kansas City to St. Louis, amazed him. He loved the food. He had a great time at a Cardinal game. He was gobsmacked that he had our whole basement to himself, 1800sq feet is finished with a wet bar, bathroom, tv room. “This is bigger than my house back home”. I’m not the 1%, not even 10%. America is just awesome and I get to participate in it.
Edit: I forgot to add that he thought everyone was incredibly friendly.
I'm back on active duty in Europe for a few months so I'll be heading west to Poland for the weekend where I intend to celebrate the 4th by drinking copious amounts of Polish white wine. Na zdrowie!!🦅🇺🇸
I should make one correction in that I am actually traveling EAST to get to Poland. Living on the east coast, my default is that whenever I'm traveling somewhere I'm traveling west!
I’ve celebrated the 4th is some literal shitholes overseas in the past two decades but surrounded by true patriots so it always a joyous experience, despite lacking the burgers and beers (albeit with slightly more powerful fireworks).
This year I’m deep in America’s top hat (Ottawa) and I’ve never appreciated or missed America more. Canada is like a 1992 Kmart with a splash (and growing) of caliphate. If I hear one more insipidly fake land acknowledgment or see one more fucking trans flag at my kids’ school, I feel I may go “War of 1812 burn down York” style on them. Suicidal empathy is in full force here.
Alas, I will spend our glorious nation’s 250th birthday working a massive party at the US Ambo’s mansion, fake smiling with our Canadian “friends” who wait in the blazing sun for their glass of contraband Woodford Reserve — because no matter how much orange man bad, American hooch is that much better.
God bless America and God bless the Fifth for keeping me sane.
1. The 250th falls on Shabbat this year, which is especially appropriate for many reasons, not least of which is that the Hebrew Bible influenced the writers of The Declaration as well as the concept of our natural rights. I will be speaking at our synagogue this weekend on that subject. It is also important to note that our nation was the first non Jewish majority country to give equal and full rights to its Jewish citizens and did so at its founding. I was truly blessed to have been born here.
2. My son-in-law (who is one of the funniest people I know, has had several headline submissions published by the Babylon Bee. A few months back he had one about the authors of the Bible getting paid $7000 for every mention of Israel. Yael Bar-Tur reposted that one as did many other people. This week he wrote one about Cubans fleeing NYC that went viral and got reposted by The White House.
3. Hero of the pod Jack Henneman had an outstanding interview this week on his podcast with Prof Richard Bell who has just published an excellent book The American Revolution and the Fate of the World. I just started reading it and it is excellent. If you order it through Jack's website, it helps his podcast. Whether you order it or not, I highly recommend that interview.
To paraphrase Josh Szeps, Happy Semiquincentennial you cunts.
My aim for the 4th is to ensure my kids have a memorable enough day that they still remember when the 300th rolls around in 2076. The plan is the Boston parade and the reading of the Declaration, then getting to the harbor to see the USS Constitution sail to Castle Island for a 21 gun salute.
We celebrated last night. All of our friends came over for dinner and a margarita free-for-all, followed by a reading of the Dec. of Independence. The four patriots who volunteered to read got to wear a powdered wig for historical accuracy. The lady who read the first three paragraphs is a naturalized citizen. She got choked up while reading, and then we all joined her. ("Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion," so says the great American, Dolly Parton.)
Earlier in the week we sent each guest an AI prompt of various characters toasting America's 250th birthday. After reading the Declaration, we enjoyed the resulting tequila-fueled toasts by Hamilton (rap style), Bill Clinton, Scarlett O'Hara, Apu, Miss Piggy, Ricky Bobby, and Al Michaels, among others.
I didn't have to wheelbarrow anybody home at the end of the night, so we didn't drink enough to make the Founders proud. But we got close.. and boy did we pursue happiness!
Good, I can finally send The Revolutionaries to my notoriously tight father so he can have a listen.
Gettysburg: one of my favorite national parks. In a battle field, I played fetch with my dog Milka (RIP) on a cross-country trip with some long lost boyfriend once, and you could feel the battle ghosts in the air. I don't believe in ghosts, but the energy was palpable there.
I used to take college kids from DC up to Gettysburg a few times a year. I don't believe in ghosts, but that place is haunted. All the blood cries out!
"We are six days away from the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Goddamned Independence. I want – nay, need – to know what you are doing in preparation for this most patriotic jubilee."
Just after dawn on the 4th of July, I'll be joining 50,000 of my closest friends to run the Peachtree Road Race. I'll wear this shirt from a race earlier this year:
The shirt commemorates Jonas Cattell. The story goes that on October 21, 1777, 18 year old Jonas stayed out after curfew and was arrested and held in jail overnight. While in jail, he overheard soldiers (the story varies that they were either British or Hessian) discussing a planned attack on the Revolutionary troops the next day. Released at dawn, Jonas ran ten miles through the woods from Haddonfield, NJ, to Fort Mercer to warn the patriots. Even though the American patriots were outnumbered three to one, because they were able to prepare for battle, they were able to defeat the Hessian and British soldiers and to inflict massive casualties while suffering minimal losses within their own ranks.
Apocryphal or not, it's a good story and well worth honoring at a 6.2 mile road race.
"250 Years of Putting One Foot in Front of the Other"
This 250th anniversary of the 4th of July, will find me a few miles from one of the Over mountain Men Muster Grounds. If you have not read anything on the “Over mountain Men”, find a good on the revolution war in the southern back country. I would suggest “The road to Guilford Courthouse” by John Buchanan.
The Over mountain Men are the spirt of “don’t step on snek”, as they went looking for British officer who threatened “…to lay waste to their country with fire and sword.”
Side note, watching the last episode of “Outlander” is not the best history of the Over mountain Men.
I already posted in a much earlier chat, but i have consumed so GD much Revolution content it's not even funny. Dozens of movies and shows, hundreds of episodes, tens of books. I daresay i could qualify for a doctorate in 1776ology
I hope people will come to the 100% Unofficial Fifth Column Meetup. If it’s successful, I’d like to help set some up in other cities next year. I’m talking to you Atlanta.
In honor of the fourth, I plan to see one of America’s greatest songwriters, Mr. Robert Zimmerman, in concert to start the weekend. This will be followed by 2 days of lakes, fireworks, and gunfire with family and friends.
Follow up a viewing of MISTER FREEDOM by watching Beck's music video for SEXX LAWS, which serves as a kind of parodic tribute to the film. Including Jack Black paraphrasing some of the movie's dialogue.
Regarding all the euros discovering how awesome America is. The first week of June we hosted a British university student who was in town as a camp counselor at my kids soccer camp. He was Amazed by everything here. The highway on his drive from Kansas City to St. Louis, amazed him. He loved the food. He had a great time at a Cardinal game. He was gobsmacked that he had our whole basement to himself, 1800sq feet is finished with a wet bar, bathroom, tv room. “This is bigger than my house back home”. I’m not the 1%, not even 10%. America is just awesome and I get to participate in it.
Edit: I forgot to add that he thought everyone was incredibly friendly.
I'm back on active duty in Europe for a few months so I'll be heading west to Poland for the weekend where I intend to celebrate the 4th by drinking copious amounts of Polish white wine. Na zdrowie!!🦅🇺🇸
You will not lack in co-celebrants!
I should make one correction in that I am actually traveling EAST to get to Poland. Living on the east coast, my default is that whenever I'm traveling somewhere I'm traveling west!
I’ve celebrated the 4th is some literal shitholes overseas in the past two decades but surrounded by true patriots so it always a joyous experience, despite lacking the burgers and beers (albeit with slightly more powerful fireworks).
This year I’m deep in America’s top hat (Ottawa) and I’ve never appreciated or missed America more. Canada is like a 1992 Kmart with a splash (and growing) of caliphate. If I hear one more insipidly fake land acknowledgment or see one more fucking trans flag at my kids’ school, I feel I may go “War of 1812 burn down York” style on them. Suicidal empathy is in full force here.
Alas, I will spend our glorious nation’s 250th birthday working a massive party at the US Ambo’s mansion, fake smiling with our Canadian “friends” who wait in the blazing sun for their glass of contraband Woodford Reserve — because no matter how much orange man bad, American hooch is that much better.
God bless America and God bless the Fifth for keeping me sane.
“Canada is like a 1992 Kmart with a splash (and growing) of caliphate.” Made me laugh.
Come to Australia if you want to hear some welcome to country greetings.
Three things of note
1. The 250th falls on Shabbat this year, which is especially appropriate for many reasons, not least of which is that the Hebrew Bible influenced the writers of The Declaration as well as the concept of our natural rights. I will be speaking at our synagogue this weekend on that subject. It is also important to note that our nation was the first non Jewish majority country to give equal and full rights to its Jewish citizens and did so at its founding. I was truly blessed to have been born here.
2. My son-in-law (who is one of the funniest people I know, has had several headline submissions published by the Babylon Bee. A few months back he had one about the authors of the Bible getting paid $7000 for every mention of Israel. Yael Bar-Tur reposted that one as did many other people. This week he wrote one about Cubans fleeing NYC that went viral and got reposted by The White House.
https://x.com/TheBabylonBee/status/2070613093973983553
3. Hero of the pod Jack Henneman had an outstanding interview this week on his podcast with Prof Richard Bell who has just published an excellent book The American Revolution and the Fate of the World. I just started reading it and it is excellent. If you order it through Jack's website, it helps his podcast. Whether you order it or not, I highly recommend that interview.
To paraphrase Josh Szeps, Happy Semiquincentennial you cunts.
My aim for the 4th is to ensure my kids have a memorable enough day that they still remember when the 300th rolls around in 2076. The plan is the Boston parade and the reading of the Declaration, then getting to the harbor to see the USS Constitution sail to Castle Island for a 21 gun salute.
We celebrated last night. All of our friends came over for dinner and a margarita free-for-all, followed by a reading of the Dec. of Independence. The four patriots who volunteered to read got to wear a powdered wig for historical accuracy. The lady who read the first three paragraphs is a naturalized citizen. She got choked up while reading, and then we all joined her. ("Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion," so says the great American, Dolly Parton.)
Earlier in the week we sent each guest an AI prompt of various characters toasting America's 250th birthday. After reading the Declaration, we enjoyed the resulting tequila-fueled toasts by Hamilton (rap style), Bill Clinton, Scarlett O'Hara, Apu, Miss Piggy, Ricky Bobby, and Al Michaels, among others.
I didn't have to wheelbarrow anybody home at the end of the night, so we didn't drink enough to make the Founders proud. But we got close.. and boy did we pursue happiness!
Outstanding work.
Welch being a stealth Third Eye Blind fan is the real takeaway here.
Doot-doot-doot!
America! Fuck Yeah!
Good, I can finally send The Revolutionaries to my notoriously tight father so he can have a listen.
Gettysburg: one of my favorite national parks. In a battle field, I played fetch with my dog Milka (RIP) on a cross-country trip with some long lost boyfriend once, and you could feel the battle ghosts in the air. I don't believe in ghosts, but the energy was palpable there.
I used to take college kids from DC up to Gettysburg a few times a year. I don't believe in ghosts, but that place is haunted. All the blood cries out!
"We are six days away from the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Goddamned Independence. I want – nay, need – to know what you are doing in preparation for this most patriotic jubilee."
Just after dawn on the 4th of July, I'll be joining 50,000 of my closest friends to run the Peachtree Road Race. I'll wear this shirt from a race earlier this year:
http://www.crrrace.com/uploads/3/0/0/7/30074707/screenshot-2026-01-17-at-11-10-52-am_orig.png
The shirt commemorates Jonas Cattell. The story goes that on October 21, 1777, 18 year old Jonas stayed out after curfew and was arrested and held in jail overnight. While in jail, he overheard soldiers (the story varies that they were either British or Hessian) discussing a planned attack on the Revolutionary troops the next day. Released at dawn, Jonas ran ten miles through the woods from Haddonfield, NJ, to Fort Mercer to warn the patriots. Even though the American patriots were outnumbered three to one, because they were able to prepare for battle, they were able to defeat the Hessian and British soldiers and to inflict massive casualties while suffering minimal losses within their own ranks.
Apocryphal or not, it's a good story and well worth honoring at a 6.2 mile road race.
"250 Years of Putting One Foot in Front of the Other"
Fan-fucking-tastic!
Amazing shirt! I miss running the Peachtree.
This 250th anniversary of the 4th of July, will find me a few miles from one of the Over mountain Men Muster Grounds. If you have not read anything on the “Over mountain Men”, find a good on the revolution war in the southern back country. I would suggest “The road to Guilford Courthouse” by John Buchanan.
The Over mountain Men are the spirt of “don’t step on snek”, as they went looking for British officer who threatened “…to lay waste to their country with fire and sword.”
Side note, watching the last episode of “Outlander” is not the best history of the Over mountain Men.
I already posted in a much earlier chat, but i have consumed so GD much Revolution content it's not even funny. Dozens of movies and shows, hundreds of episodes, tens of books. I daresay i could qualify for a doctorate in 1776ology
But next weekend I'll be at 11,000 feet, high in the Rockies at my mountain retreat in Colorado
I wake my wife up every morning with Battle Hymn of the Republic. I think she’s gradually warming to it.
I wake up most mornings singing it too, but my version ends in G-E-O-R-G-I-A.
It helps to sing one of the kids' versions i bet. Try "The Ants Go Marching"
I hope people will come to the 100% Unofficial Fifth Column Meetup. If it’s successful, I’d like to help set some up in other cities next year. I’m talking to you Atlanta.
In honor of the fourth, I plan to see one of America’s greatest songwriters, Mr. Robert Zimmerman, in concert to start the weekend. This will be followed by 2 days of lakes, fireworks, and gunfire with family and friends.
Follow up a viewing of MISTER FREEDOM by watching Beck's music video for SEXX LAWS, which serves as a kind of parodic tribute to the film. Including Jack Black paraphrasing some of the movie's dialogue.
Never knew this! Incredible!
Kmele was also on Your Welcome with Malice this week. Fun discussion, as per usual with those two: https://youtu.be/GpqcvwRngAo?is=fjJNp0B7dlbqS3Mq
Happy American birthdays season