On most of our paying-subscriber Members Only episodes, we read and react to a handful of the 50 some-odd emails you lovely people send us each week. But many are too long to read out loud while simultaneously conveying hilarity/wisdom/art too precious to hoard. Hence, Mailbuckets! (#1, #2, #3, and now this one.)
As ever, I reserve the right to lightly copy edit, snip, de-e.e.-cummingsify, add links, and respond in (parenthetical) italics. Let’s see what fresh hell you’ve brought this time!
From: Alex Gross
Subject: TV Newscasters
Date: March 31, 2024
Hi guys,
Been a paid subscriber for around two years now, and you continue to be my favorite pod. Thanks for all that you do in support of sanity.
Every time you discuss CNN, NBC or Fox, it reminds me of an old painting I did around a decade ago which includes your pal Megyn, among others.
I thought you might get a kick out of it.
The bit at the bottom says “SALIVATING PARASITES REGURGITATE OPINIONS OF NO CONSEQUENCE.”
I still think that sums up TV news in general.
All the best,
Alex Gross
www.alexgross.com
www.artofalexgross.com
(Normally we only do first names around here, but obviously the rest of you should PATRONIZE ALEX’S ART WEBSITE RIGHT THE HELL NOW! Also, “might” get a kick out of it??? I want this tattooed on my back, or at least hanging on the wall of Paloma Studios….)
***
From: Gringo do Quinto
Subject: A Southern Hemisphere Tale of How Wokeness Dies
Date: April 16, 2024
For efficiency’s sake:
· Location: Rio de Janeiro (though this story takes place in São Paulo).
· Inebriation level at time of writing: Think the movie Another Round after Mads Mikkelsen and crew up their BAC target from 0.05% to 0.1%.
· Beverage: Cachaça (pron. kah-SHAH-suh), naturally. Aged in wood that previously provided a monkey habitat. Screw 'em, though. I was sober.
· Member since the very beginning.
Punk is not dead. It’s just older, woker, wider, and choking on its own dissonance.
This is a tale of how wokeness will die generationally.
For her birthday present, I bought tickets for my 14-year-old daughter to see riot grrl pioneers Bikini Kill in São Paulo. It’s one of her favorite bands and has influenced a lot of her favorite bands in turn. My daughter is also a budding musician, who sings in various bands.
Generally seemed to be a good crowd and a safe venue.
A few songs into the set, vocalist Kathleen Hanna shouted from the stage something along the lines of “I don’t want to see any cis heterosexual white males near the front! Give up your space!”
I was maybe 20-25 yards back. Figured I wasn’t the problem. And, you know, I was having a great time with my daughter. I was also responsible for her. Signed the venue’s waiver and everything.
Well, a rather sturdy twentysomething woman disagreed. During one of the songs, a minor moshpit formed and this woman tried to push me backward. I stood my ground, trying to make sure that my daughter was safe.
This woman then started cursing me as if I had pushed her. “Caralho!” (pron. kuh-RALL-you!), she shouted, which loosely translates into “FUCKER!!” I couldn’t retaliate, of course. (Equality has its limits, savage. I just planted my feet and stood firm.)
So, she got about eight other women into it and suddenly I was pushed about 15-20 feet away from my kid. All the while, I was getting yelled at in two languages about how cis-hetero-white-males were not welcome and, in fact, my proper place was at the back of the venue.
Then, between songs, I got a lecture about feminism, again in two languages, from someone who looked like a miniature Anjelica Huston. Not Lonesome Dove Anjelica Huston, either. More like a far-less-regal John Wick 3 Anjelica Huston.
“We all love each other here!” Hanna yelled a few songs later. Irony is lost on aging punks, I guess, particularly those whose lifestyles are at least partly subsidized by royalties that spin off her husband’s misogynist — but since disavowed — early catalog. (Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz of the Beastie Boys.)
Anyway…. For the rest of the show, my daughter had trouble enjoying it ‘cause she kept looking back at me to make sure we didn’t get further separated. I was close enough to keep an eye on her, yet far enough away so as not to provoke the São Paulo Sisterhood. She has a fair amount of anxiety, so this was certainly no fun for her.
But, according to the people around me, separating me from my daughter was morally acceptable. Even righteous. Never mind the fact that this is how we bond, or that there are so only many years left where I can enjoy these experiences with her. (She goes to her first concert with friends, sans parents, this summer.)
To be clear, I’m not the kind of person who blames an artist for the behavior of their fans. Unless, of course, the artist created and encouraged the environment for those behaviors. Thinking Fred Durst at Woodstock 1999 or Axl Rose in Montreal. In this, I blame Hanna.
After the show, my daughter said “Papa, I want to thank that woman over there. She helped make sure I didn’t get mauled.”
Me: “The hell with her! That crazy harpy was one of the reasons we got separated in the first place!”
I told my kiddo that while I broadly (!) consider myself a feminist ally, I couldn’t support any feminism where it’s considered “cool” to separate a father from his daughter while they are having a great time doing the thing they love to do together: go to shows.
I think the worst part about it was that my kid idolizes Kathleen Hanna and there she was, on stage, basically saying that people who look like her dad weren’t welcome and it was totally okay to push them around. Much like Scientology, Large Group Awareness training (e.g., EST), and other cults, fealty to the Temple of Woke inevitably demands separation from loved ones.
There were a lot of tears shed the next morning. Hanna’s music no longer evokes joyous, spontaneous dancing in our household.
(This … fills me with rage. Kathleen Hanna can fuck clean off. You have the patience and restraint of a monk on Xanax. Also, if you don’t write for a living, you definitely have a decent backup option.)
***
From: Mark
Subject: A Passionate Case for the Drastic Restriction of Adderall
Date: April 25, 2024
Gents,
For the purpose of this email, let's set aside questions of government's role in regulating substances (libertarian blahblah, I mean), and speak within the frame of what is wise personally, how doctors should think, and what should be advocated for as cultural norms.
Forgive the life story, I'll try and keep it brief.
I'm 35 years old. I first had Ritalin foisted on me in first grade. My mother told the teacher to get bent, walked into the administration office and demanded a refund on my tuition (private school). By 6th grade the teachers had won; I was on Ritalin. The dose was kept reasonable, but I still hated it. When I got to high school, I fought it some more and spent those years without it. I graduated with a 2.7 GPA, then spent till I was 21 working (if you can call it that) crappy IT jobs and running a shade tree mechanic shop in the evenings with my roommates.
During my 21st year I felt the weight of the stagnation of my life, and decided to go to university. Four years and one engineering degree later, I’d failed only two classes and graduated with a 3.4. While in college I got an Adderall scrip and took it as necessary, as little as possible, to get through. Typically this meant 10mg once/day 2-3 days/week. For a 220lb dude this is small.
After school I began a career in industrial automation. I design and program manufacturing equipment. I take no meds. I make 3x+ the median income of the average Michigander. I succeed at this because I get to play with big things that can move and kill me, both mechanically and electrically. I'm up and down from my desk dozens of times per day. I love programming and CAD work, but I start to glitch hard when I need to do it 40hrs/week. Would I be making more $$ if I was on Adderall? Likely yes. I'd also be a worse husband & father. The side effects can be nasty interpersonally.
Another example: My cousin, 30 years old, who binges the stuff till he has been awake for several days, then crashes for several days straight. He has been struggling with psychoses as a result, even going so far as to once walk, barefoot, into the Ann Arbor police station and announce he had solved cold fusion. He had zero mental health issues until his early 20s when the Adderall started, because he was struggling to succeed in an engineering [program] at U of M.
What I'm getting at here is quite simply that a large subset of people who think they have (and may have) A.D.D. need to go into the trades. Humans, especially men, are not made to be desk dwellers, and some adapt to it worse than others. Let's send them into the world to be active, to keep our water flowing in, our shit flowing out, our lights on and our cars running, rather than doping them up and strapping them to a desk.
Thanks,
P.S. When I was in college, I tried to tell my doctor that I had been on & off Adderall for a decade, that I could manage my own dose, and [that] he could drastically reduce the script he was writing for me (20mg, twice a day) down to 10mg 5 days/week. He told me to take it as I was told or he would cut me off. I kept my mouth shut from then on, and continued taking it as needed.
P.P.S. Grand Rapids live show, when?
(Thanks for this testimony, Mark. I have much LBC family/friendage whose professional/diagnostical trajectories sound a LOT like yours. I for one just hate the feeling of all brain-altery meds not named alcohol, and even then that’s mostly just wine. But also, I am fortunate enough not to have any conditions that suggest medicating! I shudder to think about what will happen when various pains will become intolerable without help….
As for Grand Rapids, we’ll see! The 2024 dance card is filling up fast, with a bunch of unplanned family stuff jumping into the queue.)
***
From: A.J.
Subject: Racist Confectionaries and More!
Date: April 12, 2024
Good afternoon gentlemen,
Luckily I am the I.T. person at my small office, otherwise I might be uncomfortably explaining to my H.R. department why my search history of racist Dutch candies exists. Listening to the follow-up about "Negro Balls" [#450], I was taken back to 2011, when I visited family in the Netherlands. One of my long lost second or third cousins had a birthday while I was there, and I was introduced to many of their confections. One of them being Negerzoenen or Negerkusse. The literal translation being “negro kisses.” One of my cousin's friends jumped in to tell me they were being polite and dropped the hard R right there. I'm fairly certain there was an explanation about it relating to "the shape of black people lips." Although I would hate to incriminate or wrongly accuse anyone of racism.
I do believe I fell in love that day. Not because of the hard R, although she could have gotten me to run out into the streets yelling it, but because of a beautiful 6 foot tall blonde Dutch/South African girl. *SWOON*
The Dutch also have this beautiful Christmas tradition involving "Zwarte Piet." I'm guessing you all might be familiar with it, but boy oh boy it makes me proud! But dressing up as him definitely is not racist but you are just imitating the fact that he was a chimney sweeper and very dirty! Not at all because he was of North African descent. Nuance matters!!!
What's the matter with Kansas:
I just got back from driving across Kansas on my way to and from seeing the Eclipse. I am still behind on episodes, can't wait to hear what Kmele did for it, if anything. But the phrase "What's the matter with Kansas" kept coming up, as I was driving across Kansas. Politically, I have my differences with Kansas, but whatever. Regarding everything else in Kansas? EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH KANSAS. What a flat boring state. I vote we turn the entire state into a lake. I'm open to other suggestions as well. But something must be done!
Thanks guys.
(Dare I look….
…. oh dear.)
***
From: Bogdan
Subject: #205 and Ukraine
Date: April 6, 2024
Hey Michael, Matt,
I've been listening to you guys for a while, first time writing, and I want to offer some thoughts on your Ukraine segment in Members Only #205. I suppose I wanted to quibble with the assertion that Ukraine has lost a generation of men, and with the comparisons between Ukraine and 1945 Nazi Germany … you're starting to sound like David Sacks, Michael (j/k, maybe not that bad LOL). Anyway, just wanted to add some context and general thoughts about the perception of the war in 2024.
Strictly on the topic of causalities — The absolute least favorable (for Ukraine) Western estimate I've seen had 120k Russian military deaths to 70k Ukrainian as of the second half of 2023. Ukrainian projects that verify deaths based on social media posts and military cemeteries (which are very public in Ukraine) put Ukrainian KIA in the mid-40k range. Naturally, that still excludes missing soldiers, but that's the range we're talking about. Maybe another way to look at it would be deaths per day, which Ukrainian officials have non-publicly cited as 30-200 daily KIA. Call it 100 on average; 800 days of war = 80k. On the Russian side, almost all estimates put their causalities in the 400k+ range, with a third to half of that KIA. And keep in mind those estimates exclude Russian non-military (National Guard, Wagner, other PMCs, LPR/DPR, etc.), which are almost always used in mindless human wave assaults. Wagner alone is in the 20k+ KIA range. All that is to say, obviously, the war is taking a horrible toll on Ukraine, particularly on civilians in occupied areas. But for a nation of 40M+, it's not nearly catastrophic. The point is also that Ukraine is inflicting disproportionate casualties on the Russians, which is the path to victory in a situation where Ukraine is always going to be the more motivated side.
Also wanted to add a quick piece of anecdotal evidence: A Ukrainian friend of mine volunteered for the army on the first days of the war. He and his unit (71st Jaegar) spent most of spring 2022 training; they later took part in the 2022 Kharkiv offensive and afterward remained stationed in the East. At some point in 2023, he had a flare-up of asthma and was deemed "partially fit for service" and sent home. Since then, he has just been sitting in Kyiv this whole time; a man in his early 30s, fully trained, with combat experience, and a very minor health issue. Not exactly the volkssturm scenario, IMO.
More importantly, in the bigger picture – I feel like we've swung from extreme optimism on Ukraine in 2023 to extreme pessimism in 2024. From the extreme optimism of thinking that a Ukrainian counteroffensive could decimate the Russian army with a grand total of 31 Abrams tanks, to now thinking that because Russia pushed the Ukrainians out of several bombed-out villages over the course of several months, we're at the 14-year-olds-with-panzerfausts stage. Not trying to sound too preachy, I get that you guys have to cover a ton of complex topics, and maybe your attention is now focused on other events. But it really does seem that the narrative in the U.S. has 100% swung to excessive pessimism.
I also think it's important to remember how far we've come. Despite today's disappointment in U.S. support, as you mentioned, in Feb. 2022, everyone thought Ukraine would fall in days and would be fighting Russia with an insurgency. As a result, Ukraine was supplied as if they were a group of insurgents. The U.S. wouldn't even send Ukraine Stinger missiles; those had to come from the Baltics. Ukraine fought back the Russians around Kyiv and the northeast of the country 99% with their own weaponry. Now we're waiting on F-16s. Now we see near-daily Ukrainian long-range strikes into Russia proper. Now videos of destroyed Russian columns are a daily occurrence. The European war machine is clearly waking up, and we're talking about French troop deployments and seeing Rheinmetall factories being built in Ukraine itself (imagine that in Feb. 2022!). I think it's important to remember that Ukraine is degrading Russia's military to an extent unimaginable before, and that that ability is only improving. It's improving slower than we'd like due to the U.S. delays, but it is improving.
The war can absolutely be won, but it's not going to be a breeze, since the Russian army is still very formidable. At the same time, we don't publicly see the cracks in the Russian state, the cemeteries, or the debates around mobilization like we do in Ukraine. The Wagner mutiny showed how vulnerable the Russian state really is. The path to victory from the perspective of U.S. policymakers is very obvious: Send Ukraine mothballed equipment, ramp up production of shells/missiles, remove the Jake Sullivan-imagined red lines, and keep the pedal down on sanctions. Support for Ukraine is an incredible return on U.S. defense spending, particularly compared to the consequences of a victorious Russia.
I love how you point out the parallels with inter-war isolationism; it's 100% spot on. Really glad you mentioned the Budapest Memorandum a few times, which isn't often brought up by U.S. commentators. I think that's really key to understanding the background and answering the "Why are we the ones who have to step up" question. Even setting the de-nuclearization aspect aside, in exchange for security guarantees, Ukraine gave up an enormous amount of aviation, ballistic, and cruise missiles as a result of the U.S.-led effort to disarm Ukraine through various conventional arms reduction treaties. Ukraine scrapped some 1,000 Kh-55s in the 1990s (I can't remember the exact treaty off the top of my head). The same goes for the Ukrainian Tu-160 strategic bombers, which were partly scrapped (funded by the U.S.) and partly handed over to the Russians (and are used to launch said missiles against Ukraine to this day). Same goes for Ukrainian Scuds. I can't imagine Ukraine would have ever turned to nuclear war against Russia, so, arguably, those conventional weapons would have played an even more critical role in deterring a Russian invasion.
The UK also signed the Budapest Memo, and even France and China gave security assurances in a different document. But really, it was the U.S. leading and funding Ukrainian disarmament. It's really unfortunate, because the Budapest Memo at the time was a brilliant piece of diplomacy and a massive win for non-proliferation. Ukraine got its security guarantees, and the world was objectively a safer place. But then those "guarantees" were reinterpreted as "assurances," which were reinterpreted as meaningless by the Obama administration when Crimea was annexed. Also, unfortunately, it's a bit of a double-edged sword in that a failed Budapest Memorandum is the best pro-proliferation argument for all the non-nuclear middle powers of the world (Turkey, Poland, Japan, Korea, Egypt, Brazil, etc.).
Really appreciate it if you actually read all of that… it ended up about 5x longer than what I expected when I sat down to write. Again, hopefully, this didn't sound too preachy. I tried to keep this as general as possible and not nitpick too many details, but apologies if it comes off that way. You guys have done an amazing job being very grounded on Ukraine to a (primarily) right-wing audience, and as a right-leaning person, I find that really refreshing.
Best,
Bogdan
P.S. Love you guys, you’re great, keep doing what you’re doing, and please try not to fire Kmele
(Thank YOU for this, Bogdan. Very much agreed, as I wrote in this piece, that the Budapest Memorandum is not grappled with enough precisely by the types of people who say that NATO expansion helped trigger the war. And may your optimism, in the wake of the $60 billion U.S. injection, prove prescient!
OK, that’s a wrap for this ‘Bucket. Much more writing in this space over the next 10 days….)
Every time Matt drops the mail bucket I am humbled to learn what a knuckle dragging troglodyte I am when compared to the erudite wits who compose these mini masterpiece communications.
It is now scientifically proven that listening to (and reading) The Fifth Column makes you smarter, funnier, and sexier than the average podcast punter.
On a Friday! Looks like CJ hooked everyone up.