Firehose #140: Do You Suffer From Fifth Disease?

Also: Second Sunday 8 p.m. ET, all paying subscribers

There I was, minding my own business on a Monday afternoon, when into my email in-box came a message from my youngest’s school, with a subject line that chilled me to the marrow: “Important Notice about Fifth Disease.”

Was there a school-wide outbreak of Melania accents? Infestation of toilet-sneks? We can assume that Coco was Patient Zero…. Or maybe it was all some kind of elaborate prank? Alas, no:

Dear Parent or Guardian,

An individual at [school] has been diagnosed with fifth disease, an infection caused by Parvovirus B19.

This virus is spread from person to person by contact with infected respiratory secretions (droplets from the nose and throat). In most children, fifth disease is very mild. Children may develop red ("slapped") cheeks and a lacy rash which begins on the trunk and moves outward to the arms, buttocks, and thighs, which may come and go for several weeks. Many children have no symptoms.

Children are most contagious with Parvovirus B19 before they develop the distinctive rash of fifth disease. At that time, they may have fever, muscle aches, and headache. Once the rash develops, however, they are no longer contagious, and may return to school as long as they feel well.

Some groups of people are at risk for more severe disease following infection with Parvovirus B19. These include:

1.) People with sickle cell disease - may have severe anemia (low red blood cell count) requiring medical treatment.
2.) People with weakened immune systems, including HIV infection - may have severe, chronic anemia requiring medical treatment.
3.) Pregnant women - the virus may have harmful effects on the unborn baby
If you or your child have any of the conditions listed above, you should contact your health care provider to discuss the risks of exposure.

Do you have Fifth Disease? Are your cheeks slapped? Should they be? Red junk on your trunk? These are the questions….

Meanwhile, here is one pre-emptive answer: Our Second Sunday (of the month) Zoom call is tentatively scheduled for 8 p.m. ET April 13, and will be accessible this time to all paying subscribers. This, along with the fact that (unlike last month) we will be taping remotely & (as of now) sans guest, increases the likelihood that the conversation will not eventually be released as a Members Only episode. Why? Because every separate recorded track increases the level of editing difficulty; plus I imagine y’all will be pretty chatty after Liberation Week. Long story short, if you don’t want FOMO, then you should PAY-O, and hop on the call.

* We have a LOT of fresh content to sort through this week, so I’m just going to tease right now that lower down in this missive you will see Moynihan’s animated dating advice, plus a forensic examination of whether we’re indeed at Episode #500. But first! Here’s Ol’ Hollywood doing the 2Way thang Thursday w/ tide-pool enthusiast Andrew Sullivan (#139, #200 & #449), along with some of you lot, talking about the so-called “unraveling of the republic”:

Sullivan’s latest, in a clever gambit to get my attention, starts with a 1787 Benjamin Franklin quote about monarchy….

* Speaking of dating advice, here’s Moynihan going face-to-face with Olivia Reingold (#459) about murder-bae Luigi Mangione:

* Kmele this week appeared on Tangle’s “The Sunday Podcast” to talk with co-hosts Isaac Saul and Ari Weitzman about “the ramifications of Trump's tariff policies, including what this means for the role of Congress. They discuss the emotion toll of consuming news and the how the media landscape shapes that, the Republican Party's stance on trade, the impact of globalization on American jobs, and what legacy DOGE may leave behind and how it has personally impacted them.”

* Mr. Foster was also name-checked this week (if with contestable IDs) in a Jewish Journal piece by Monica Osborne under the headline, “The Bravery of Going Off Script.” Excerpt:

As more people started to reject some of the premises put forward by the left as representative of liberalism, it became more acceptable to question the script we were all supposed to follow. Public intellectuals—many of whom identify as politically liberal—like John McWhorter, Coleman Hughes, and Kmele Foster began to challenge the race narratives hoisted on us by opportunists like Robin DiAngelo and Ibram X. Kendi. Anyone with a shred of honesty had to admit, at the very least, that these guys—all of whom are Black—had a point.

Things started to get easier for those of us who suddenly felt politically homeless. Why? Because we had a community.

But now that Trump’s back, it feels like all bets are off.

* And our raceless one was also referenced recently in The Indian Philosophy Blog (why not!) in a piece by Amod Lele headlined “Annihilation of Caste and Race.” Selection:

It’s pretty rare for Americans to call for the annihilation of race! Black racial abolitionists, like Amir Zaki and Kmele Foster, are definitely out there, but they’re viewed as weird at best, and often associated with the political right wing or centre-right – not something anyone would ever accuse Ambedkar of. Americans will of course call for abolishing racism, but they still want to keep race. Some of them even tell you to embrace it. […]

Every concept of racial identity, qua racial identity, is bound up with racism and its history. In order to help abolish race eventually, we might still need to make some temporary and selective use of racial categories. But what we shouldn’t do is make that race our identity! Ending black identity, and white identity and the rest, is exactly what we should be aiming at doing.

* Speaking of subcontinentals with cool names, this week saw the posting of a good conversation I had a few months back with Razib Khan, who writes interesting stuff about human populations and genomics. We talk about 1990s Central Europe, the expansion of NATO, western European dithering, Russian revanchism, my libertarian foreign-policy heterodoxy, the warblogging days of yore, New Media, Old Media, and a good deal about this here podcast!

* OK, now that we’ve each punched the clock, time for the latest insanity from unofficial Fifth Column animator Arch Stanton:

* On the last couple of episodes, I referenced a bracing Liberation Day speech by Rand Paul on the Senate floor, anchoring his opposition to presidential tariff-making in some old-timey republicanism. Here ‘tis:

* The Kentucky senator this week revised and extended his remarks on Just Asking Questions:

* In #499 we referenced a recent interview about tariffs with celebrated 94-year-old economist Thomas Sowell. Here that is:

* Nick Gillespie (Special Dispatch #72, #379) this week went on Noam Dworman’s Live From the Table podcast. “We cover a lot of ground,” Nick writes, “starting with a discussion of local New York City politics and my view of disgraced congressman Anthony Weiner, … and the looming mayoral race which features no fewer than three candidates credibly accused of various forms of sexual harassment and serious mismanagement of their offices….We also jaw a lot about Trump—neither Noam nor I voted for him but both preferred him winning over Kamala Harris—and his incoherent trade policy, and whether the libertarian movement will rise….”

* In our Members Only #255 tribute to the late great Val Kilmer, I mentioned his comments about the homoerotic quotient of Top Gun. The best explainer thereof:

* Speaking of which, Comment of the Week goes to MacKenzie Madison Murphy:

RIP to noted lunatic Val Kilmer and to unhinged DVD commentary tracks. This would never be allowed these days:

* Oh yeah, that whole Episode #500 business. So, eagle-eared listeners will note that our numbering convention around these parts (minus your weekly Firehoses, natch) is a bit … creative. As the resident guy who like to count things (I said things, NOT Jews!), my running tally has us with 674 total episodes in these past nine years + 10 days; 423 of ‘em regular-feed freebies, the other 251 for paying subscribers. (Give or take one or two.) So that’s what, like 1,000 hours of programming? (You know I could give you the exact number on that, if I just added up that line in the spreadsheet.) What I am saying is that Jesus himself coulda been listening to The Fifth Column in his Walkman for all 40 days and 40 nights, and still had a day or two of episodes left over. Which, based on my reading of Ancient Apocalypse Season 2, is the likeliest explanation for Chaco Canyon….

Anyway, thank you for all the sweet 9-year-anniversary notes, and see y’all on Sunday!

Walkoff music, pursuant to our recent conversation about grief, is the extended mix of one of Brian Wilson’s last great compositions.