Firehose #176: Wake Up, Babe, We’re Doing Regime Change

Also: The return of Ask a Gentile

Well, this was supposed to be an entirely different Saturday morning write-up, but I guess you go to kinetic action with the army you have…

Our friend Thor Halvorssen (who in Episode #524 made some forward-looking predictions about Venezuela that seemed borderline fantastical at the time) is certainly having a good one, and it would be a corazón made of piedra to not feel gladdened that, however the means, the boot has at least somewhat eased on his and so many millions of others’ necks. Now comes the harder parts, and no, I’m not referencing ______________. Expect further & more informed discussion in your inboxes soon.

* Here in our last Dead-ish Week before resuming the timely taping of episodes, you may value some fresher content from elsewhere. Starting with my Monday stint on The Reason Roundtable, where we did – yes! – a year-end episode on the under-covered stories from politics, international affairs, economics, and culture.

* Speaking of the Roundtable, occasional guest there and Fifdom fave Liz Wolfe could really use your prayers right now, as her darling new baby Sol is having a very hard time of it in NICU.

* Also, the Roundtable is doing a live taping in Washington, D.C., Feb. 4.

* Michael Pointyhands went on Ask a Jew this week, to talk on the evergreen subject of “Why More People Should Hate Themselves,” in addition to: “conspiracy theories, antisemitism, dumb people, and why you shouldn’t end every conversation with a Jew with: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PEDOPHILES??”

* Co-Jew Yael Bar tur apparently decided now was a good time to start a solo Substack spinoff, called “Everyone on the Internet Hates You!” The Betteridge’s law-defying headline of the first post is, “I’ve Been Hated on the Internet for 20 Years. Is it Me?”

* Wait, did you guys know this exists? Here is a video I discovered 30 seconds ago of (*checks notes*) Noam Dworman and Coleman Hughes performing “Czardas” and “The Stars and Stripes Forever” at Lincoln Center? Honestly too good to check, but I can confirm that’s how those two magnificent bastards sound.

* Another thing I’m late to, but was helpfully informed in some of the (very positive!) responses to the first episode of “The Revolutionaries”: Apparently, around 15-16 years back, Dodge made an insane commercial showing George Washington using America’s automotive awesomeness to beat back the redcoats. Which then inspired this important documentary:

* Moar funny: George Will had a year-in-review column filled with appropriately dark humor, but Dave Barry (veteran of our 2021 live show in Miami) wins the boobie prize (because boobies are good, see how that works?):

On January 20 Trump is sworn into office and — after unsuccessfully attempting to kiss his wife, Melania, who as a defensive measure is wearing the wide-brim style of hat popularized by both the Hamburglar and Zorro — he pardons pretty much everybody who was not pardoned by Biden, including the January 6 rioters Capitol tourists, among them the bare-chested, face-painted guy with the horned headpiece, who needs to be out of prison because he is our new ambassador to Great Britain.

In keeping with presidential tradition, Trump signs executive orders reversing all the Biden executive orders that reversed all the previous Trump executive orders that reversed all of Barack Obama’s executive orders that reversed all of George W. Bush’s executive orders that reversed all of Bill Clinton’s executive orders, and so on back to George Washington.

Meanwhile Elon Musk and an elite squadron of really smart 13-year-olds set about the task of making the federal government less wasteful by eliminating the root cause of inefficiency: employees. To accomplish this goal, the Musk team offers buyout agreements to all two million federal workers. The first person to accept is Melania….

Dems get some too, don’t worry:

As the public sees TariffPalooza disrupting the economy, Trump’s poll numbers begin to slide, presenting the Democrats with a golden opportunity to take advantage of Trump’s vulnerability by offering Americans the one thing that they crave most in these uncertain economic times: a really long speech. This bold stroke is executed by New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker, who sets a U.S. Senate record by speaking for more than 25 hours without peeing, forever transforming the lives of the estimated three interns who were listening. […]

Meanwhile the Democrats, according to the New York Times, are spending $20 million on a research project code-named SAM, which stands for “Speaking with American Men: A Strategic Plan,” intended to figure out how the party can appeal to young men. So far the researchers have come up with a campaign based on the slogan: “The Democratic Party will hit a touchdown out of the ballpark for America! Because, like young males, we enjoy athletic sports games!” The Democrats plan to workshop this slogan with actual young males, once the researchers find out where they live.

* For those who enjoyed the geographic-linguistics talk in #538, listener Doug E. alerts us to an oldie-but-goodie New York Times geo-tagging vocab quiz that nailed my origins within a few miles.

* Comment of the Week, to which I will append a video, comes from santosvega:

‘Fujiyama Mama’ was originally recorded by Annisteen Adams in 1955 and then by Wanda Jackson in 1957, both for Capitol Records. Neither charted in the US. The lyrics … opened with

I’ve been to Nagasaki, Hiroshima too!

The same I did to them, baby, I can do to you!

‘Cause I’m a Fujiyama Mama and I’m just about to blow my top!

Fujiyama-yama, Fujiyama!

And when I start [erupting], there ain’t nobody gonna make me stop!

Radio stations and DJs thought the lyrics in poor taste with the war being so recent plus the overt sexuality sung by a female singer. The song found its way to Japan and rather than being found offensive hit #1 there for six months in 1958. Jackson toured Japan in 1959 to huge success.

Walkoff comes from a certain country: